I was sent this Harpers Bazaar article by one of my best male friends and a punctuation point to a conversation we’d had about a month prior. The conversation, which after some time centered primarily on him and his emotional inner-workings, rather than any discussion of my own – started to feel so much like a therapy session that we both had to acknowledge it. I said as much: “I’m tired of giving dudes free therapy. Any more from me and I’m going to have to send you an invoice.” We both laughed, but clearly, there was some truth to the statement. We switched topics and then a month later, this article landed in my inbox.
At the outset, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but when the term “emotional gold digger” appeared, I sat up a little straighter and pulled my phone closer to my face…we were on to something. Now, that is how I would describe a good number of my exes, who following a breakup due most likely to their inability to show up with any of my most important needs, still did not fail to ask, “but can we still be friends though?”
Nah, bruh. We cannot.
We cannot be friends because it’s just another way of asking for the same kind of lopsided relationship that we just exited. From the article:
“I talked him through his aspirations, validated his opinions, and supported his career. I had to be his emotional guru because he was too afraid to admit he had any emotions at all,” recalls the 24-year-old English teacher, who was studying for her PhD at the time.
Is this isn’t the literal description of my past 6 relationships, I don’t know what else could be. Notice what’s not described? How he supported her in return? Yeah, exactly.
Along the theme of self-care, this article is worth a read. It doesn’t give much direction for women who, like me, frequently find themselves in this emotional support role, with little sustaining return from a partner, (although I suspect this has a lot to do with Boundaries – another good read). Instead, it brings up some surprisingly common scenarios that at least might spark some worthwhile questions to ask yourself.
Because, if he is being an emotional gold digger, then where is he digging, and what is replacing what is being taken?
…just some random thoughts from me. Let me know what you think in the comments!